he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
