I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
