you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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