We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
