There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
