you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
