I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
