You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
