this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
