I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
