I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
