I wish I only lived at night.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I party with great urgency now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
