I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am available for nakedness
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
