Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
