go do what you do best...puke behind churches
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
