I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
