Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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