he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
