dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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