I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
we're so committed to being not committed
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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