I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
