Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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