Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize