clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
