sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
