brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
