We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
