You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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