just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
