I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
