I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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