I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
