hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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