Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
