mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
