If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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