when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
