First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this boner is exhausting
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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