1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
