i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
