Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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