he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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