alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My breasts were aching with rage.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize