I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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