Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
