youre lurking in front of me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He better not be in your backpack
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize