There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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