According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
