Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
