just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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