This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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