there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
