I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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