i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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