Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize