last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
