doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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