I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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