Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
