I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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