I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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