My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
