can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
