I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
