Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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