god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
