Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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