I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
