Already got asked if we're dating
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
