i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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