Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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